Why so wonky?

The other day I realized I'm late for my period.  I looked at the My Days app and it said my period should have been here on Saturday.  I thought that was weird.  Sometimes I'm a few days late or early.  Yesterday when I still didn't get it I decided to test in the morning.  Of course my test is defective and nothing happened.  Last night I tested again and it came back not pregnant.  I know it's better to test in the morning as that's when the hormone is more concentrated.  I don't really think I'm pregnant.  I figure my period is just being wonky.  I wish it would stop this honestly.  I think it could also be the app not calculating my period correctly.

Oh the wonders of being a girl.

In other news, J & I are meeting with someone from CCS next Tuesday to learn more about their adoption services.  We are also meeting with our tax lady this Saturday to file taxes.  I have a few questions to ask her regarding the adoption tax credit and how all that works.  

Other than that, nothing too exciting going on with us.  Wrigley has been in training for 4 weeks now.  Man can that dog be stubborn. It's a good thing he's so cute though.  Ash is thankful Wrigley is back in camp during the day.  She's been able to nap without disruption from Wiggles.  Lilly is Lilly.  She's finally letting Wrigley come up and get near her.  Lilly's favorite thing is to go up and sniff Wrigley's nose when he's sleeping.

Uh how much?

Last night we met with our first adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services.  It was a little hectic because J was working at the academy and was trying to make it home in time. I was rushing to pick up Wrigley in enough time to get home and feed the dogs.  Thankfully the counselor from BCS was very easy going and didn't mind our crazy night at the house. 

Last night was very informative.  The counselor walked us through all the steps in the process. She gave estimated timelines and of course delved into costs. It is crazy how much adoption costs.  I think both J & I had a bit of "sticker shock" when she started to go over the costs.  We both know it's not cheap but at the same time we are thinking, "How in the world do people pay for this?"  BCS did say they were one of the highest priced agencies in our area and they explained why.  They do a lot of counseling for the birth mother and that cost rolls into our fees.  

I felt really good after the meeting.  The internet is a crazy place and all the information out there was extremely overwhelming.  It was nice to talk with someone face to face and be able to ask questions.  J & I have a lot to think about.  We need to sit down and talk about what risk factors we are willing to accept.  Is it okay if the birth mother has drank some during the pregnancy? What about drug use?  What level of comfort do we have with these?  This definitely isn't a process that you just jump into.

I am waiting for another agency to get back to me so we can meet with them.  I'm sure they will have a similar process as BCS, just different fees.  The counselor with BCS was really nice and told us we need to go with an agency we feel comfortable with.  This agency is going to be a major part of our lives and I agree with her.  I think the hardest part is picking the agency.

Head exploding in 3...2...

In the past couple of weeks I've probably scoured 30 websites, read numerous articles and sent off 20 emails for more information.  I'm seriously on information overload for the adoption process.  I would really like to go with a local agency.  Someone we can go and talk face to face with, instead of over the phone.  I found 2 different agencies that I'd like to work with.  Catholic Community Services asked that you and your husband fill out a brief questionnaire and either fax, mail or email it.  I went ahead and emailed it.  After a week I didn't hear anything so I faxed it along with a note.  A week later, still nothing.  I called and left a voicemail.  Are you sensing a pattern here?  I finally got a hold of someone.  Turns out the gal that does the intake process has been sick.  She got a little cold in the beginning of the year that turned in to pneumonia.  Poor thing!  She's back to work as of last week so she should be in contact with us shortly.

The 2nd agency I got in contact with local is Bethany Christian Services.  We actually have a meeting with them.  So far they have been pretty good at communicating with us. They have informational meetings twice a month.  We couldn't make the one that was closest to us because J was working.  The other one is about 45 minutes away, on a Tuesday.  That was just not going to work for us so the gal said she'd come to our house and talk.  I'm glad we'll have a 1x1 session.  She's going to come over Tuesday night.  

I hope that after talking with the gal from BCS we'll have a good idea of next steps.  There is so much information online that it's overwhelming.  So many different agencies and lawyers you can go with.  I want to make sure we are going with a highly reputable agency.  I think that's one of the most important things when it comes to adoption.  I know some agencies have ridiculously high fees and it makes you wonder, where do those fees go?

Other than that, life is chugging along for us.  I can't believe it's almost the end of January.  Christmas seems like so far away and it was only a month ago.  We have a cruise to the Carribean planned for next January so I guess it's good that time is going by a little fast.  J is getting excited because March is coming up and of course that means Spring Training.  This year we are planning on going down to Arizona for 8 days.  We are still playing around with the costs.  A lot of it depends on what our tax return looks like.  J would go down for the entire month of March if he could.  

St Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.  

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.  

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

New year...new outlook

Wow...2012 has flown by!  It's like I blinked and it's over. For the holidays we drove down to San Diego.  It was great spending the holidays with my family. I can't believe how big my niece and nephews are getting!  The youngest one, Ryan, is walking and pretty soon he's going to be talking as well.  Sean is seriously adorable.  I love that kid so much.  My Mom had everyone over for my birthday and he came running to me, "It's your birthday!"  How he said it made my heart melt.  My niece Oly is getting so big.  We took her to Knotts Berry Farm for her big gift.  It was fun seeing the amusement park through a child's eyes.

J & I have made a big decision and this blog is going to take a slightly different turn.  We have decided to look into adoption.  Hanging out with Oly made J want a family that much more.  So when we got home I started looking online to figure out how you get started on the process.  Let me tell you it has been extremely overwhelming.  I cannot believe all the information that is out there!  We both know this is going to be a long process but hopefully, in the end, it will all be worth it.

I sent off our first questionnaire today to get more information.  Catholic Community Services asks that you complete a questionnaire prior to going through orientation with them.  It was a simple one page document but it felt good to email that off to the contact.  It was like I finally felt like we made our second step with this process.  The first step of course was simply making the decision to adopt.  I look forward to meeting with the contact and hopefully getting a lot of our questions answered.  

I'm going to try to make 2013 the year of the positive.  I'm trying to have a better outlook on things and simply just improve my attitude in general, not let little things get to me.  I know it's not going to be easy but the end goal will be well worth it.    

Another month has passed

I wonder when you actually give up on the idea.  I know people will say, "Oh you never give up!"  I don't know if that's necessarily true.  I think at some point in time you do give up.  You throw in the towel and say, "Okay. Not working so let's focus on something else."

God knows I'm tough enough

I heard this song on the radio last week and I fell in love with it immediately.  I thought if this was around when I got married it would totally be our wedding song.  I heard it again last night on my way home from school and thought about our journey with trying to have a kid.  It's officially been 3 years and for the last 7-8 months I've been kind of numb with it all.  Each month that comes and goes I no longer cry.  I was worried that I was becoming okay with not being a parent.  All our options just seem so expensive.  Adoption is an extremely long and expensive road.  IVF is another expensive road.  It's not as simple as cutting out an expense here and there.  It's a matter of saving for a few years.  I was a little afraid that perhaps I was giving up on J.  Not our marriage or anything...just giving up on him because I was possibly giving up on the idea of having a child.  There is a line in the song that just hit me.  

"I've given you all my love, I'm look still looking up.  I won't give up on us, God knows I'm tough enough."

God only gives you what we can handle.  God has a plan for us.  I needed to remind myself of that.

What a week!

To say this week has been a horrible week would be an extreme understatement.  Last week I was off work. I have some PTO I need to burn before the end of the year and figured last week was a good time to take some.  J & I headed up to Victoria for a few days.  It was nice to get away.  We did 2 ghost tours, love the tours up there.  We also rented scooters and rode around the city.  It was my first time on a scooter so I was a little nervous at first.  After a few minutes I got the hang of it.  I think it would be awesome to have a scooter!  We got to the place a little late so we only had an hour to ride around.  We'll definitely rent them again when we head back up there.

Saturday I got really bad news that put a damper on the end of my vacation.  My VP called me Saturday afternoon to tell me my boss passed away unexpectedly.  The best way to describe how I felt...it was like getting hit in the chest with a cannonball.  The wind was knocked out of me and I couldn't form a sentence.  All we know right now is that she passed away in her sleep.  She was in Canada, Victoria of all places, and our company was working with her family to get the body back.  

My boss was an amazing person.  She seriously cared about each and every one of her employees.  She was a great mentor to have.  She had an infectious laugh and personality.  It was hard not to smile or laugh when she was in your presence.  We would spend many 1x1s talking about our dogs.  She is going to be missed.  There is no one that could fill her place.  I knew the following work week was going to be difficult.

Monday I dropped Wrigley off and headed into work with a heavy heart.  I got 3/4 of the way to work and realized I left my laptop at home.  I had to go all the way back home to get it.  Not a great way to start off the week.  The mood in the office Monday was very somber.  I couldn't bring myself to go by her office.  It's still too fresh in my mind.  

Tuesday on the way to work I got a speeding ticket.  I was so pissed.  The cop said I was going 37 in a 25.  I'm fairly certain I was not.  I was coming up on a stop sign in a long line of cars.  If I was going that fast I would have had to slam on my brakes when he saw me.  I will definitely be fighting that ticket.

Wednesday my fish at work died.  I just got her the day before! On the way home traffic was horrible. I had to take the back roads to get Wrigley and I didn't end up getting to PetSmart until about 7:15.  I didn't get home until almost 8!  Grrr.  

I'm glad this week is almost over.  Tomorrow morning I fly down to San Diego for my nephew's first birthday party. I can't wait to see my family.