Another month has passed

I wonder when you actually give up on the idea.  I know people will say, "Oh you never give up!"  I don't know if that's necessarily true.  I think at some point in time you do give up.  You throw in the towel and say, "Okay. Not working so let's focus on something else."

God knows I'm tough enough

I heard this song on the radio last week and I fell in love with it immediately.  I thought if this was around when I got married it would totally be our wedding song.  I heard it again last night on my way home from school and thought about our journey with trying to have a kid.  It's officially been 3 years and for the last 7-8 months I've been kind of numb with it all.  Each month that comes and goes I no longer cry.  I was worried that I was becoming okay with not being a parent.  All our options just seem so expensive.  Adoption is an extremely long and expensive road.  IVF is another expensive road.  It's not as simple as cutting out an expense here and there.  It's a matter of saving for a few years.  I was a little afraid that perhaps I was giving up on J.  Not our marriage or anything...just giving up on him because I was possibly giving up on the idea of having a child.  There is a line in the song that just hit me.  

"I've given you all my love, I'm look still looking up.  I won't give up on us, God knows I'm tough enough."

God only gives you what we can handle.  God has a plan for us.  I needed to remind myself of that.